My Life Right Now In A Nutshell

Yesterday just didn't turn out the way I had hoped. After having the worst weekend possible, I was looking forward to making this day one worth living. I woke up with a smile on my face and was ready to make this day great. I got up, got dressed, and went downstairs. I made some hot cocoa and sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy myself. I finally felt worry-free for the first time in days. My neighbor had told me that she could drive me to school every monday and wednesday, so this morning I got ready fast and walked out the door. When I got to her house, her mom informed me that she had to work and her daughter had to take the girls to school. So, I headed home in anger that they hadn't told me sooner. When I got home and told my mom she had to drive me to school, she was furious. So, what I thought was going to be a great day was already becoming a nightmare and it wasn't even 7:30 yet.
By 7:35, I was finally on my way to school, afraid of being late for my first class. The entire ride to school was spent being yelled at and lectured by my mom. By the time I got to school, I was positive that, yet again, I was to have another bad day. I just don't understand! Why does God allow people to be in so much pain day in and day out without giving them much hope for tomorrow? I feel like I am never going to feel happy again.
On top of all this, I got into a fight with one of my best friends. I'm not going to get into detail here, but if you want to give me some advice, I'll tell you. I just don't know what to do. I feel like she went out of her way to deliberately hurt me. The things she said to me are just things a so-called "best friend" should never say to you. I'm torn between hating her and loving her. I mean, yeah I miss her as a friend, but I can't forget what she said to me and that makes me so confused. Last night, I talked to my mom about this problem and she said to me, "well...what do YOU want?" And right then and there it hit me. I don't know what I want. I feel that SO MUCH has hurt me this past week that I really don't know what I want anymore. I've been praying and praying about it and I just can't seem to find the answer. My heart has been broken into so many pieces that I can't seen to figure out how to put them back together. At some points, I feel like it's been broken so many times, that it will never be able to be whole again. I just wish that I had some insight on how to handle this situation. I guess for now, all I can do is continue to pray and hope that God gives me an answer, or sends somebody to talk to me and help me find my path.

The Worst Possible Day I Could Ever Imagine

Soo...where to start? I don't even know. This whole day has just turned out to be a nightmare. I'm not gonna get into detail about what went down today, but I am going to vent. I've been crying for almost a total of about 6 hours now, and every time I start to cry again, I wonder where all the tears come from. I'm almost certain every time I stop that I have no more to cry. I just wish everything could stop and rewind the way you can rewind a movie. I wish the world was like a movie so you could fast forward through all the bad stuff that you feel you can't deal with anymore and get to the part when you become happy again. As of now, I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. I just wish that all the hurt would go away. You'd think that God would be nicer and not let so much happen to one person in the course of a couple hours, but you are wrong. I think I've been through more hurting today then ever in my entire life and when I think it's finally over, it all just comes rushing back at me in waves that I feel I can't get over. It's like drowning in the ocean with nothing to save you. I feel like if I just give up on life now it would be so much easier then having to be reminded of all this day in and day out. Have you ever lost your boyfriend to your best friend? If so, then you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. I just can't shake it. It's like...I can't even describe what it feels like. Well, I guess I'll be done now...

Yet Another Moment Gone Wrong

So yesterday started off to be just another normal day in the life of myself. I woke up and did my chores, went to the movies and saw Mall Cop, came home, picked up my sister from her friend's house, ate dinner, and then went to a friend's house. I started talking to my boyfriend and we were having, what I thought, to be a pretty good conversation. And then...his roommate got on the computer and started telling me how i should break up with him because he's hurting so much. And how I would be better off without him. It really broke my heart that she would say such things to me about him. But, when I brought it up with him and asked him to ask her to stop...he didn't. I told him that I thought we should break up and just be friends...and he was PERFECTLY FINE with that idea. It was like he never loved me at all. I was just some other girl to him. He didn't seem to care if he was with me or not. I just don't understand why I am constantly finding guys that treat me like crap. I try to find the one's that I think will treat me right and I always end up getting hurt. I think I just really need to take a break from guys all together and continue to draw closer to the Lord. For I know that no matter how many guys come and go in my life, God will NEVER leave me, or treat me unfairly, or expect me to be something that I'm not. I'm happy with who I am and I REFUSE to change for somebody other than myself. I know what I need and it's not a guy I need to define who I am. I am a princess in the Lord's eyes, and I think that I deserve to be treated like one.
Girls have it hard enough as it is with all the models and television and publicity telling them that if they don't look or act like this then they aren't beautiful or worth the time of day. But there IS a guy out there who will love you and cherish you and treat you like the princess you are. You just have to STOP looking, and let God direct him to you. You will know when you meet him and you will enjoy being with him and won't feel insecure about who you are, because you can be yourself and he will love you no matter what. So just slow down, take your time, and trust in the Lord to guide your paths. You will NEVER have to walk alone as long as you have the Lord by your side. :]