September 11, 2008

It's been 7 years today, and yet the scene of planes hitting the Twin Towers is still engraved in my mind. I was only in 7th grade when it happened, and I have to admit that I didn't know what the World Trade Centers were. I heard two boys talking about it by my locker and thought that they were talking about some new video game which was the normal topic of discussion between them. Little did I know, that what they were talking about, would change my life forever.

I spent the entire day at school thinking about that event and even though I still didn't know what they were, I was mourning for the loss of many people in my country. My middle school had a library that had tv's going non stop with the news that day. When I was supposed to be in lunch, or just on my way to class, I found myself staring at the tv's that showed the most horrific scene I had ever seen.

Now I can't say that those events effected my life directly, but I did feel pure sadness and shock and mourning. I have forgotten many things in life, like where I put my shoes, or my favorite sweatshirt, even my homework. But what happened on that day, 7 years ago, is still fully alive in my memory. I remember exactly what time it was, where I was, and what I was doing when I first heard the news. I even found myself reading biographies and books about 9/11 and the firefighters stories. I was fascinated by it and wanted to know as much as I could. Which I guess is from my mourning and sadness about the whole event.

I didn't feel directly connected to the attacks until about May of '06 when my brother decided that he was going to enlist in the Air Force. I knew what he would be doing and knew in my heart that this was what he should be doing. Helping out our country, even if it was, at the time, 5 years later. I see my brother as a hero, a role-model, somebody I can trust. It has been 2 years since he started and he is now stationed in Japan. The first english words he heard as he got off of the plane in Japan were, "You will be going to Iraq." This scares me. Now granted I know a guy who has been in Iraq for many months now, who says that fighting in Iraq has gone down dramatically. It still scares me to think that my brother, the only connection I have to my birth mom, the only person I know who is directly related to me, will be going to Iraq.

I sometimes stay up at night, listening to my iPOD and just thinking. When the song "Home" by Chris Daughtry comes on, I find myself silently crying and wishing that my brother was still here. I know he's doing what God wanted from him, but it really scares me to know that my brother could in fact, die. I know I shouldn't dwell on the negatives but it's all I can think about sometimes. All the "what-if" questions start popping in my mind and I have to think about them.

I'm too emotional to finish this now, so I will come back to write more.