This day is such a fricken waste of time! I started my class at 9 as usual...but our chef wasn't here yet...so the chef who came in told us we weren't allowed to start cooking yet...so we got our mise en place all ready and was ready to start our soups at 10. We've now been on "break" for an hour. This is sooo lame.....I could totally be at home...doing the same thing...and I'm fricken PAYING for this...bull!

Today is Friday!!! I am sooo happy that this week is over! My mom's been at her new job training all week so my sisters and I have had to sleep at my dad's house. Let's just say that I did not enjoy that. For starters, my dad and I just do not get along. Secondly, I'm allergic to his house. Like no joke. So yeah. And now that the week is over mom comes home tonight and that means I FINALLY get to sleep in my own bed!!! :D You have no idea how excited I am for that. Well, I have my culinary class today. I don't know why, but I really haven't enjoyed it that much lately. I just like, don't want to go to class. Before I loved class! But what happened? I really don't know... And on top of that, I'm starting to realize that I don't have as many "true" friends as I thought I did. I mean, don't get me wrong, I LOVE and ADORE the friends I have, I just wish I had more closer, intimate friends. Friends who I can confide in. Friends I trust and who trust me. I've been praying for a lot of things recently. I kinda feel like my life is once again unraveling before my eyes. Once I start to really enjoy life, something goes wrong, something not according to planned. I'm so used to living by a list that when something does arise I get startled and begin freaking out. I've tried trusting in the Lord more and more these days, and so far it's been going pretty well. I'm still waiting for some answers. But for now, just having Him close to me and knowing He loves me and wants the best for me is enough.

Today

So today I got to school only to find out that because I didn't turn in my add/drop sheet for my culinary class...that I wasn't allowed to attend class. So right now I am sitting on the computer trying to decide what to do with all this time I have.So there's a little view into my world as of this moment. :]

So must of you know by now, but I have recently started dating the most amazing guy in the entire world! His name is Quin and he is everything I've ever asked for in a relationship. Not only is he a Christian, but he's nice, sweet, caring, gentle, gracious, loving...not to mention totally adorable!!!! :] I am praying that this relationship will turn out to be much much better than my previous ones. One thing that is already different about this relationship is that we're "courting." And if you don't what that is, it means that we will have somebody else with us when we go out to help us stay pure and in line. :] After seeing the show 17 kids and counting, I always thought courting was stupid and a little weird. But after being asked to do it, I think it's the most romantic thing a couple could do! So yeah. I'm ecstatic at this moment in time and I can't wait to spend this wonderful day with him!! :]

With God, All Things Are Possible.















In All Things, Praise The Lord.

Yesterday was a good day. I didn't have to get up early to go to school. I still woke up pretty early so I could study and work on my speech which I still feel like I'm no where near being where I should be. So anywho, I downloaded a lot of new songs yesterday since my life pretty much revolves around music these days. I was so happy to find out that I would be going to the Chiropractor since my neck and back has been hurting me since the last time I went. As I was there the chiroman did what he always did, but this time was different. He gave me tests on my arms and legs to see if my feeling was the same on both sides of my body. They were not. He was concerned and asked me if I had been having trouble holding things and I had. I hadn't thought anything of it before this moment, but I guess I should have. Well, long story short, I need to go see a neurologist sometime soon to see what is causing me to feel less on my right side. So there's my day in a nutshell...not the best day ever...that's for sure. But, I'm praying that everything will be okay and that there isn't anything seriously wrong with me. Been down that road, ain't goin back. I'll just continue praying until the Lord shows me where I'm supposed to turn on this one. Well, I hope you all have a great Wednesday :]

Life In General As Of Now....

Hello everybody! :] I hope you all are having a great February...even though the weather doesn't seem to know what month it is these days. So...my life has gotten so so so complicating lately. I just can't even sort through all the stuff that has been going on. Long story short, I lost a best friend, lost a boyfriend to my best friend, and then gained that best friend back. Sound complicating?? Well, living it isn't a walk in the park either. I still don't know what her motives are of taking me back as a friend, and personally, I don't even know if I want her back as a friend after all the crap she said about me. I understand that she was "in love" with the guy I was dating, but aren't your friends supposed to come BEFORE guys? Maybe that's just in my book, but that's the way it SHOULD be.
College life just seems to get harder and harder with each passing day, not to mention the stress of not having a job and having to make ends meet. And to top all that off, I found a guy whom I like and he likes me back and although I'm not ready to date, I still want to date him. I guess only time will tell what comes of this relationship but for now we're just friends. :]
That's all I have time to write, so I hope you all have a great week! :]

My Life Right Now In A Nutshell

Yesterday just didn't turn out the way I had hoped. After having the worst weekend possible, I was looking forward to making this day one worth living. I woke up with a smile on my face and was ready to make this day great. I got up, got dressed, and went downstairs. I made some hot cocoa and sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy myself. I finally felt worry-free for the first time in days. My neighbor had told me that she could drive me to school every monday and wednesday, so this morning I got ready fast and walked out the door. When I got to her house, her mom informed me that she had to work and her daughter had to take the girls to school. So, I headed home in anger that they hadn't told me sooner. When I got home and told my mom she had to drive me to school, she was furious. So, what I thought was going to be a great day was already becoming a nightmare and it wasn't even 7:30 yet.
By 7:35, I was finally on my way to school, afraid of being late for my first class. The entire ride to school was spent being yelled at and lectured by my mom. By the time I got to school, I was positive that, yet again, I was to have another bad day. I just don't understand! Why does God allow people to be in so much pain day in and day out without giving them much hope for tomorrow? I feel like I am never going to feel happy again.
On top of all this, I got into a fight with one of my best friends. I'm not going to get into detail here, but if you want to give me some advice, I'll tell you. I just don't know what to do. I feel like she went out of her way to deliberately hurt me. The things she said to me are just things a so-called "best friend" should never say to you. I'm torn between hating her and loving her. I mean, yeah I miss her as a friend, but I can't forget what she said to me and that makes me so confused. Last night, I talked to my mom about this problem and she said to me, "well...what do YOU want?" And right then and there it hit me. I don't know what I want. I feel that SO MUCH has hurt me this past week that I really don't know what I want anymore. I've been praying and praying about it and I just can't seem to find the answer. My heart has been broken into so many pieces that I can't seen to figure out how to put them back together. At some points, I feel like it's been broken so many times, that it will never be able to be whole again. I just wish that I had some insight on how to handle this situation. I guess for now, all I can do is continue to pray and hope that God gives me an answer, or sends somebody to talk to me and help me find my path.

The Worst Possible Day I Could Ever Imagine

Soo...where to start? I don't even know. This whole day has just turned out to be a nightmare. I'm not gonna get into detail about what went down today, but I am going to vent. I've been crying for almost a total of about 6 hours now, and every time I start to cry again, I wonder where all the tears come from. I'm almost certain every time I stop that I have no more to cry. I just wish everything could stop and rewind the way you can rewind a movie. I wish the world was like a movie so you could fast forward through all the bad stuff that you feel you can't deal with anymore and get to the part when you become happy again. As of now, I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. I just wish that all the hurt would go away. You'd think that God would be nicer and not let so much happen to one person in the course of a couple hours, but you are wrong. I think I've been through more hurting today then ever in my entire life and when I think it's finally over, it all just comes rushing back at me in waves that I feel I can't get over. It's like drowning in the ocean with nothing to save you. I feel like if I just give up on life now it would be so much easier then having to be reminded of all this day in and day out. Have you ever lost your boyfriend to your best friend? If so, then you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. I just can't shake it. It's like...I can't even describe what it feels like. Well, I guess I'll be done now...

Yet Another Moment Gone Wrong

So yesterday started off to be just another normal day in the life of myself. I woke up and did my chores, went to the movies and saw Mall Cop, came home, picked up my sister from her friend's house, ate dinner, and then went to a friend's house. I started talking to my boyfriend and we were having, what I thought, to be a pretty good conversation. And then...his roommate got on the computer and started telling me how i should break up with him because he's hurting so much. And how I would be better off without him. It really broke my heart that she would say such things to me about him. But, when I brought it up with him and asked him to ask her to stop...he didn't. I told him that I thought we should break up and just be friends...and he was PERFECTLY FINE with that idea. It was like he never loved me at all. I was just some other girl to him. He didn't seem to care if he was with me or not. I just don't understand why I am constantly finding guys that treat me like crap. I try to find the one's that I think will treat me right and I always end up getting hurt. I think I just really need to take a break from guys all together and continue to draw closer to the Lord. For I know that no matter how many guys come and go in my life, God will NEVER leave me, or treat me unfairly, or expect me to be something that I'm not. I'm happy with who I am and I REFUSE to change for somebody other than myself. I know what I need and it's not a guy I need to define who I am. I am a princess in the Lord's eyes, and I think that I deserve to be treated like one.
Girls have it hard enough as it is with all the models and television and publicity telling them that if they don't look or act like this then they aren't beautiful or worth the time of day. But there IS a guy out there who will love you and cherish you and treat you like the princess you are. You just have to STOP looking, and let God direct him to you. You will know when you meet him and you will enjoy being with him and won't feel insecure about who you are, because you can be yourself and he will love you no matter what. So just slow down, take your time, and trust in the Lord to guide your paths. You will NEVER have to walk alone as long as you have the Lord by your side. :]